Omnipresent Nonsense

sooooo...back to the illustrious life of minimartdom:

 

 

1) the manner in which a customer pays the cashier is the most indicative aspect of said customer as a person.  for example, those that hand the money directly to the attendant are more often-than-not secure, intelligent or aware enough to understand the gesture (which believe me is heads above the average consumer), and has been reared properly (at least to the standards of this judge).  those that put the money on the counter and push it over to the attenant very often tend to be indecisive, slightly insecure, and more often than not absent-minded.  people that literally throw money at a person assisting them behind the counter are: 1) lucky that at least this attendant is a professional at work; 2) insecure to say the least; 3) pompus and egotistical; 4) most likely not in a position of power in their life.

 

it is one of the easiest things to do in any transaction: to hand the money directly to the peson assisting you in finalizing your interaction.  try to pay more attention to how you treat any person taking cash from you for merchandise, and then truthfully see if any of the above applies to you.

as my life progresses, so do the wonders of minimartdom.  oh will the wonders ever cease?

 

1) mumbling + poor english (be it slang, or pointing and body language are more effective than your feable attempts at english) do not equal smooth transaction.  furthermore, when a person can't speak english, seldomly does it seem to dawn on them that the problem isn't with the person not understanding them...when marlboro light and marlboro red sound identical when you're saying them, you have an english problem: fix that $hit.

 

2) what is it with all the amateur philosophers/part-time comedians who tell people "don't work too hard"?  so what are you saying?  is that you're passive/aggressive manner in saying that i could be working harder, or do you really not want me to work too hard?  hey, thanks...i never would have thought to take it easy if it wasn't for you.  better yet, next time you come in, i won't work at all.  how does that sound?  you standing there ready to check out, and me looking at you like "thank god this person doesn't want me to work too hard."

 

3) along the same line as "don't work too hard" (and often from the same level of genius) is the common comment "i wish i could sit and watch TV at my job."  where to begin?...well, for one, i bet you do, but then how could you get away with ignoring your wife/husband and allowing your childrens lives to pass you by?  two, i wish i could have a job where dumb f^cks like yourself didn't come in, spend $2, and then feel like they were entitled to speak their minds "at me".  three, i wish i had a job where i made a lot more money, had benefits, and didn't have to deal with cheap skates scrounging for change out of my penny cup, but hey, TV makes it all that much more worth it.

 

4) if you look even remotely UNDER 30, you are obligated to provide ID to prove your age when purchasing tobacco and or alchohol.  what kind of idiot doesn't already know this by now?  never fails though, someone will come in looking just over 16, wanna buy cigarettes or swishers, and then get an attitude when they're asked for ID.  get over yourself, it's nothing personal.  look at it this way, if it was personal, i'd punk you for your signature and tell you to recite your name and address before denying you the right to purchase.  all it comes down to is maturity and experience, and unfortunately you can't get either of those at the corner store in a box no matter how cool you think you are.

 

5) again...nothing personal, but if the store is out of what you like to buy, then we're out momentarily.  it's amazing how many people will feel like it is a personal afront to them if we're out of 2% milk.  get a grip, it's milk.  in the fine words of Craig's mother in "Friday": "use water, it won't hurt."

 

6) the term "convenience" should connotate just that: a store of conveniences.  when a customer abruptly mentions how s/he could get this item "waaaaaaaay" cheaper at grocery store "x," s/he is: 1) usually wrong in the assessment; 2) not telling the clerk anything s/he doesn't already know; 3) showing his or her ignorance to the concept of a convenience store.  small convenience stores aren't a part of massive national chains, in turn not allowing the major merchandising relationships that big chains take advantage of.  furthermore, the bottom-line at a small convenience store is strictly the bottom-line.  the small mark-ups that are made are so the lights stay-on, and the rent gets paid.  ultimately, if you don't like the prices...why isn't grocery store "x" getting your business right now?  oh, that's riiiiiight...that funny thing called convenience.

 

 

* stay tuned because unfortunately, material for "the wonders of minimartdom" is not hard to come by.

to me, i just don't get the attraction of halloween.

 

first of all, it just seems like another consumer holiday...something to boost the economy and make money on every schmuck (sp?) trying to outdue everyone else.

 

second and most importantly, how is this not the night to go out and committ that crime you've been holding out on/for?  i began to think along these lines after a customer came in recently and started talking about the drama that went down last friday night (drugs, guns, police, and a lone baseball bat).  luckily i wasn't working that night, but he proceeded to tell me about how he was one of two guys that attempted to buy "drugs" of "that white b%tch."  i guess when he tried to purchase with a $50, she didnt' have change, and then took off running with his money...bobbing and weaving to lose them both (not the brightest crayon in the box), she ran into our place of business, and straight into the bathroom.  long-story short, as he winds down his story, and having mentioned that he knows where "her and her man stay at...it's right up there off the hill," he then proceeded to mention how he was thankful halloween was coming-up because back in the "Chi," (one can only assume many other places as well) people wait until halloween to get back at the unassuming.  his idea was to go to her door as a trick-or-treater, and when she opened the door, throw a brick in her face.  <let's all take a moment of silence in the name of humanity, and in the name of the brilliant thinkers of the world.> ...  ahh...much better.  with all the masks and costumes, how the hell could anyone be dumb enough to caught on halloween?  scott peterson, oj, anybody that was caught rolling with "suspicious" sh*t in their car...IT WAS FOR HALLOWEEN man, damn...

 

so...not sure how i'm going to approach this monday, but i'm sure i'll find a way to celebrate...i always do.

theories that have been tried, tested, and approved by that dude:

 

1) no matter how long a mini mart has been empty, be it 45 seconds to twenty-minutes, if the person behind the counter picks up the phone and dials a number, muthaph#kas will walk-in and go straight to the counter for help.

 

2) after a person has come into the mini mart to pay for something with a substantial amount of change, the next customer(s), no matter how long s/he/they have been in the store, will walk directly up to the counter and get all uppity for having to wait.  once the attendant behind the counter has completed the marathon task associated with counting ten dollars in pennies, the customer who was previously ready will then want to look around the store.

 

3) ugly people (on the inside, but can be in combination with outside as well) don't hear "hello" or "how are you doing?"  due to their ugliness and genetic absences, it translates into "what brings you in here today, and please forgo all courtesies and pleasantries."

 

4) dumb people (just straight dumb) don't understand "hello" or "how are you doing" and get all flustered by it, in turn become defensive.

 

5) men with small penises will want to make sure everyone in the mini mart knows that they are going for MAGNUMS and not just REGULAR CONDOMS.  * note to all you perpetrators: it's never the seven foot dude with barry white's voice that could satisfy an elephant flacid, that asks loudly and abruptly "where the MAGNUMS at man?!"  just a note.

 

6) two minutes before closing time is the best time to see who's business should be refused indefinitely from that day on.  because it's the same person that comes into every place of business two minutes before closing, and that person knows damn well when the business closes.

 

7) knives are worth the money, for a gun, hand it over honey.

 

8) any girl that comes into the mini mart to buy condoms, wine, and chocolate already has plans...for the whole night.

 

9) no matter how far from Korean an employee will be asthetically or culturally, customers will always assume that the fact that you work at a Korean mini mart is enough evidence to make the owner, who is a Korean middle-aged woman, your mother.

 

10) the person behind the counter gives less of a f%ck about you (the arrogant and insensitive customer) than you do about them.  tried and true.

 

11) contrary to popular belief and practice, saying things like "daaaaaammmnn...this place is expensive," and "y'all are killing out hur with deez prices," will not get you a negotiated price.

 

12) clean hands and face, in addition to manners and patience will get you so much more free stuff than you could ever imagine.  test it out more than once at the same establishment.

 

13) the people or person behind the counter knows what you're going to do with that/those swisher(s).  you're not slick.

 

14) be careful what you do, you're always on camera.

 

15) it doesn't connotate wealth, prestige, or even "ballin'" when a person pulls out a wad thicker than a snicker.  what it does connotate is illegality, lack of bank account, and two deals away from traded-in-girlfriend-for-boyfriend.

 

 

* stay posted for more updates in "the wonders of minimartdom."

got motivated once i read my sister's fiance's latest blog [Detroit's Black Helicopter] about conspiracy theories.  one might call me a conspiracy theorist, and in light of such i am submitting a link for the viewing pleasure of those who like to get more than one side of a story.

 

 

wake up, shower, get dressed

...man...i'm blessed

 

but what am i trying to prove

living with all this stress

 

the motions: school and work

...a happy face

 

when i'd rather be travelling

writing music all day

 

but i'm stuck, dealing with fucks

wasting precious time

 

got professors hustin' their books

trying to stack dimes

 

i'd rather read what interests me

that's worth time paying

 

while my mind wanders

with all the bullshit that they're saying

 

omnipresent nonsense

much like political jargon

 

education's not everything

just look at joseph darden

 

bill gates emasculates

any and all of his competition

 

and it's easy for me to be

in the city that he's living

 

 

was just writing to write and pass time at work.  just 12-bars of thought-process while i work in the midst of crack-heads and petty-thieves.  don't get me wrong, not everyone that comes into my work is a degenerate...just most.  however, one can find good people at all points of the globe, so to grossly-generalize is more often than not a mistake.  nevertheless, this last friday there was a hostage situation/armed confrontation diffused at my very work-place...glad i had that night off.

 

i guess for me, the concept of preparation was never really a strong one that i grabbed a hold of as a child.  as i look back at my history with college, and school in general, each individual 'hiatus' i decided to take to "find myself" and what i wanted to do, i've realized that it all culminated into where i am today.  unfortunately that culmination is a 25 year old senior in undergrad back to his procrastinating ways.

 

sadly, my focus is more on the women in-class than the professor, and has always been for much different reasons; it's never been a close race in that respect.  most would chalk it up to bad habits, a small snowball that just rolled down the hill of powder too long...i choose to inject the idea that it's genetic, because the buschick, although not interested in the women in her classes the same way i am, has informed me that she was the same way with procrastination.  whatever the reason, here i am on a sunday (morning equivalent for me) afternoon, a couple hours before i work until 11pm so essentially without the evening to buckle-down, and i haven't done a stitch of homework.  what's sad is i didn't even go out yesterday or last night.  i simply found any and every reason i could to busy myself with anything but homework...i'm a professional at that.

 

so tonight, i will look forward to being irritated, tired, and emotionally spent after work, and on top of that in the reliable company of good old homework.  nothing beats knowing that there's a trusty 300-page history book waiting for some love and attention, except maybe that her hot cousin the research paper is needing the same amount of love and affection...if not more...i seem to meet her every quarter; it's a cyclical thing i have learn how to break.

 

as i mental give myself lashings again, for what could now be the millionth time in my scholastic career, i pledge to be much more productive next weekend...halloween weekend.  riiiiiiight.